Days of my life

Days may come and go - it's natural. Like the sun - rises in the morning, and sets at the end of the day. It may rain and blue; it may sunny, warm and beautiful. May my days be blessed; full of memories and hopes

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


That is cool! Driving on 88O Northbound, on my way to church, cannot help to look at that silver sportcar - well, it is a very nice car - and I bet it's new. More over, look at the plate number: my91irs. Obviously the driver - or the man who's driving the car (he does look like a retiree, by the way). I wondering if he bought his car with his 91 IRS money.

I found it amusing when I catch those special plates. It's intrigue me to know - to guess who is that person behind the wheel.

One morning, on my way to work, I spotted: heewego. Where do you think you're going?

In front of Hyatt Hotel, Embarcadero, San Francisco, one New Year Eve - yes, I was there to celebrate the New Year! It was a bright night (of course, with so much X-mas decoration still hanging here and there around the city), I spotted 2 limosines with licence plates: Java, Bali.

They are the name of islands in my country. I looked around, to see if I could find Sumatra, or Lombok, or Ambon. Na-ah. Still, I assumed that the owner of this limosine business is an Indonesian, or someone who was born there, or rised there, or visit my country, and loved it so much that he or she wanted to remember those names.

Then I spotted "myjeep". Sure - everyone can see that, it was a jeep - so obvious - like we are idiots who don't have a clue of what kind of car is that. That, doesn't look too smart.

And what do you think about this: 1n1is4. What is that suppose to mean? A proud dad, and mom, with 2 kids?

There was one that made me open the Bible once I got home: psalm91. That was real nice. I was so eager to find out, that I immediately read Psalm 91. I wonder if other people who saw that car plate were doing the same thing. Maybe not - maybe it was just me.

Come to think of it, I wonder what should I choose for my car. "catchme" - ah, that's too inviting. Maybe "igotcha". That's not me. It should be unique without too revealing. What do you think I'm talking about here?

If someone I love - and who loves me too - gave me a car, then I wish my favorite verse will appear on my plate: philip1-3. Hm.. a little weird, don't you think? But it speaks about love: I thank my God every time I remember you. Tell me, that you don't feel like walking in the clouds if someone tells you that. Oh I wish.....I wish, upon the stars......

Oh well, I wonder why it leads to love! Is there any connection at all between love and licence plates?

Friday, March 11, 2005

Only in my dreams.....

It seems so real,
He seems so lovable,
as i knew him - once
but it was just a dream.

Heran. Kenapa juga harus mimpi tentang dia - tentang kita. Itu khan sudah passe. Berlau, berlalu dan berlalu. Tapi rupanya yang namanya kenangan tetap tinggal. Dia tetap tinggal, dalam kenangan, dan juga mimpi - meskipun tidak diundang.

Well, last month, an email address I found - or poped out - brought back the memories. Was it his? Kemajuan... hard to believe he's in to internet. But hey, people do change, right? Who knows he is now a totally different person. I bet he must be. Anyway, it was years-years ago, when I knew him. When he was part of my life - even for a short period of time!

As much as I reluctant to use my finding, I found my self questioning whether or not to send a line or two to the owner of this email address. I let out the urge to do so for a couple of weeks. Then, I just can't wait. There's nothing to loose. It's good if in fact it's his email. Will he be surprised?

So, I sent a very-very short message. Just asking whether or not he is the ONE - with the hint that his birthday is approaching. No answer. It's been a couple of week, and still I receive nothing. So I guess, It musn't be his email. Or, it's his, but he just didn't find it beneficial to react to it. He was a businessman, and I believe he still is. So, if it's not beneficial to him, he won't waste his time. Or, he just simply despise me. Still. Whatever....

Too bad - I still don't understand though, why can't an ex-couple be friend? At least I don't understand his point of view (I mean, I tried to stand in his shoes). He's the only ex who can't remain in contact or just simply be friend.

He hates me for shattered his heart. Did I really hurt you so bad that you can't ever forgive me?Just so you know, I was broken-heart too. Our relation was just a no-future relationship. Too much impossibilities. Even though at some point, I tried to do the "mission possible". No luck! So, why waste our time? The only mistake I can counter was - we didn't speak it out. We used too many outsiders to speak for ourselves. Now that I can see it - because I am wiser now than years-years ago, because I can see more clearly now than years-years ago - I am delighted to ever knew you. You're just special, to me, even after all those years. There is always a place in my heart for you - small part, as I have other parts to be divided among other special people in my life! Jangan egois dech!

I'm sorry that I hurt you - but you know very well I never meant to hurt you. Oh, of course you didn't see it that way, right? Right, because you thought I was double-dated you. Not me - I never did that to anyone. Of course you won't believe me - why should you? The fact that I married to this guy, doesn't make any justice to your accussation. But just so you know again, I started to date this guy (my husband - now) 2 years after we broke off. And seems we're doing great - so far.

Again, why do I feel like I'm talking to you know? Geez... is this the effect of my dream about you?

Oh well, I better stop analyzing every single thing now. Somehow I just feel that your resentment makes me think that there is an unfinished business between us. I want a closure -even though our closure should have been closed that night. The night when you lit my anger, and somehow I managed to lit your anger too. What a big fire of anger! Did I tell you how ugly you were that night? Well, I know, I must be very ugly too. We both were ugly that night. Fair enough.

There I go again... I hope you find your peace, after all these years. I truly believe you've found the love of your life - so why bother with our hurtful past? There was a time - I can't lie - that I was so sorry to ever met you. But I can look it from the bright side now. I met you, we shared happy times together - and too bad that the future is not ours - so I'll just be happy with our happy moments. Cheer up! We did share happy moments together. Do you want me to remind you of those times? No? Too bad - sooner or later I will feed you again with those unforgetable moments

Oh, only in my dreams
as real as it can be
it was only in my dreams....